I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
