guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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