drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
