they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
