Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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