My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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