Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
