yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
