Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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