I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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