one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
