i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
