my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
