I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
