he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
