I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
