I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
