too bad you live with your parents still
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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