I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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