We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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