I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
