I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
