I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
