i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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