Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This house was built for laser tag.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
