god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We had to coat check the pizza.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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