Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
