YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
