spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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