Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
