he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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