you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
