Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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