I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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