At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
