Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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