he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
