Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
