did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
