you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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