I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
