I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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