He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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