i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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