She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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