You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
