Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The power of my boobs compel you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
