do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
