on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
