I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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