Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
