I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
