now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
