oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
