After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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