I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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