my mouth tastes like poor choices
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
