how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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