Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
