One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
