He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
