talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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