rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
