i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
