Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
