Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
