Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
