I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
