I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
